Handling conflict between two high performers starts with a mindset shift: it is not your job to fix their relationship, only to make sure they can work together when the job demands it. Listen to each of them alone, bring them into the same room and mediate until the air is clear, and if one of them still refuses to move forward, be honest about what keeping them is costing the rest of your team.
You have got two of them.
Both are brilliant. Both are crushing it in their own domains and delivering the kind of results that make your life easier every single day. Then you put them in the same room together and it is like watching two rams crash into each other over and over. It is wild to watch and genuinely frustrating to deal with as a leader.
Years ago, right around the pandemic, I had two high performers who simply could not stand working with one another. The timing made everything worse, because all of us had just been sent home to work in isolation, and that isolation and fear compounded every bit of stress and frustration that already lived between them.
Why Do Two High Performers End Up in Conflict?
Two high performers usually clash because one side holds knowledge, context, or information the other does not have, and either they are hoarding it or their ego will not let them give it up. Isolation, stress, and a lack of direct conversation compound the gap until it looks personal.
Most of these blowups are not really about personality, at least not at the start. One person knows something the other one is missing. Maybe it is context on a decision, maybe it is data, maybe it is history with a client. That gap sits there and it grows. Each side fills it in with the worst possible interpretation of the other person, and by the time it lands on your desk, both of them are convinced the problem is the human being sitting across from them.
How Do You Handle Conflict Between Two High Performers?
You handle it in three moves: listen to each person separately without defending anyone, bring them together and mediate until every frustration is out in the open, and if the conflict still will not resolve, decide honestly whether one of them needs to leave the team.
Before you run any of it, there is one thing you have to settle in your own head first.
It Is Not Your Job to Fix Them
That is worth repeating, because so many of us carry the weight of trying to make two grown adults suddenly like each other.
It is not your responsibility to fix the relationship. It is your responsibility to make sure they can work together and move the project forward when the moment calls for it. Keeping them separated forever is not realistic. You can try, and plenty of leaders do, but eventually the work is going to force them back into the same room.
Once you release yourself from the job of making them friends, the actual work gets a lot clearer.
First, Just Listen to Each of Them
Can you do this virtually? Kind of. It is so much easier in person though, and I would push for in person every single time you have the option.
You start with person A, face to face when possible, and you ask them to walk you through it. Talk me through your frustrations. Then you listen. You do not defend anyone, you do not jump in to solve it, you just listen and take it in. I hear you. Noted.
Then you go do the exact same thing with person B. You let them unload, you take it all in, and you make note of what is actually driving the friction from their side.
Now you have something you did not have before. Context. You understand why each of them is grappling, and you can start to see the gap between what one of them knows and what the other one is completely missing.
Then Put Them in the Same Room
This is the uncomfortable part, and it is exactly where real leadership shows up.
You bring them together, face to face to face, and you get them to share those frustrations directly with one another. Your job is to get it all out into the open without letting the whole thing explode in the process, so you sit in the middle and you mediate.
It sounds something like this. I hear you, what are your thoughts on that? Do you think that is serving any of us? Do you think maybe you could do a little less of the thing that is creating the tension? I could probably do that. Great, would that be okay with you? Perfect.
Then you turn to the other person and you run it right back. Now what is it that she does that frustrates you? You go back and forth, and you keep going back and forth, until the air is finally clear and nobody is walking out of that room still sitting on resentment they never got to say out loud.
Clear the air first. That is the whole game. Your role is to support them, to get the tension out into the open, and to help them learn how to communicate through it instead of around it. That mediation skill, the ability to read a room and connect with whoever is in it, is the same muscle I break down in my piece on working the room.
When the Real Answer Is to Let One Go
Here is where this turns in a direction you might not expect.
Sometimes you will do everything right and they still will not work together. That is the reality of the world. Some people cannot let go of what happened, whether it is ego or pettiness or a hundred other reasons, and at that point you have to ask yourself an honest question as a leader. Do you actually want this person on your team if they are going to keep behaving like a petulant child?
I already know the pushback, because I have felt it myself. They are my top performer, they get so much done. Okay. At what cost?
If that person is a drag on everyone around them, constantly pointing blame and keeping the whole team on edge, the math is not what you think it is. When you finally move them out, the productivity of everyone else does not drop. It jumps, because your team is no longer burning half their energy frustrated and complaining about one toxic individual. They just get back to work.
This is the same tension I wrote about in what actually keeps your best leaders, where compensation and output are only part of the picture and the real question is what someone costs the people around them.
This Is the Part That Comes With the Title
I will be honest with you, this one took a turn even I did not see coming when I started. I came in wanting to talk about how you bring two people back together, and I landed on get them out of there. Sometimes that is just how these things unfold, because these are the real issues that come with the job.
You wanted the title. You wanted everything that comes with it.
Well, this is the part that comes with it too.
Tired of Playing Referee?
If you are leading a team that is quietly at war with itself, in Houston or anywhere else, and you are tired of playing referee instead of actually leading through it, that is the work we do together at Wolf Executives. When you are ready to move from managing the friction to leading past it, let’s talk.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it a leader’s job to fix a conflict between two employees?
No. Your job is not to make two grown adults like each other. Your job is to make sure they can work together and move the work forward when the situation requires it. Trying to repair the personal relationship puts weight on you that was never yours to carry.
Should you talk to each person separately before bringing them together?
Yes, and in person whenever you can. Meeting with each person alone lets them unload without an audience and gives you the context you need. You are not defending anyone or solving anything in those conversations. You are listening and finding the gap between what one of them knows and what the other one is missing.
What do you do when two high performers refuse to work together?
At some point you have to weigh what the conflict is costing the rest of the team. If one person will not let go of the resentment and keeps everyone around them on edge, removing them is often the right call. Teams usually get more productive after a toxic high performer leaves, not less, because nobody is burning energy on the friction anymore.
Is it worth keeping a toxic top performer?
Rarely. Output is only one side of the ledger. If a top performer is a drag on everyone around them, pointing blame and creating tension, the total cost to the team is usually higher than the value of what they produce on their own.
About the Author
Sean Barnes is the founder of Wolf Executives, a Houston based executive coaching and leadership development firm that helps directors and senior leaders grow into vice president roles and beyond. Over roughly two decades, he led teams across IT, human resources, the project management office, ESG, safety and transportation, and leadership development, and he guided organizations through dozens of acquisitions and two IPOs. He is also a keynote speaker and conference chair who speaks at events across North America on executive presence, influence, and building high performing teams.
